Tuesday, 22 February 2011

"...and I suddenly had my first inkling of the gulf between his dreams and his powers."

Step forward former* Labour councillor John Cowan (link should open radio show in iPlayer for next five days), who turned up on the 'Jeremy Vine' show to expound on the need for a drinking license for all adults in the country.

Yes, that's right, a drinking license. To be backed up by a network of cards and card readers in stores, and revoked if any magistrate felt you had misbehaved after getting drunk. And if you just drank too much, then it would helpfully send an email to your GP, so he could call you in for a little chat.

You can tell he'd given it a lot of thought...

Even Vanessa Feltz, standing in for Vine this week, could barely keep the incredulity out of her voice as she fed him all the rope he needed to make a prize fool of himself on national radio. And, inevitably, there were a few listeners who rang in afterwards to agree with him.

*Oh, and as to why he's a former Labour member, well, drinking licenses wasn't his only bad idea:
Labour was forced to suspend another candidate today after he boasted about his sex life and made offensive comments on the internet.
John Cowan, who was fighting for a seat in South East Cambridgeshire, made a series of inappropriate comments in chatrooms.
As well as talking about sex, Mr Cowan, a former manager of glamour models, posted adverts asking for people to pose nude for his photographic portfolio.
And he speculated about the death of Margaret Thatcher, admitted illegally paying his cleaner cash-in-hand and said he would not want his children to marry a Muslim.
Labour can sure pick 'em, can't they? And aren't we lucky that this man will never have the clout to bring his crazy scheme to fruition?

20 comments:

Mark Wadsworth said...

The Lib-Cons aren't quite so keen on these ideas as Labour were, but the idea of a personal licence or quota for smoking, drinking or buying petrol, using electricity are still doing the rounds.

PT Barnum said...

Well, Alcohol Concern have stated (and that makes it a fact) that 19% of the population are teetotal (including me). Now, what should I do with my allowance, do you think? [Thinks....] Aha! Use it to double my better half's allowance. Teetotalers will be very sexy in that Brave New World.

Longrider said...

Big Blunkett's entitlement card wasn't so far from this cretinous idea and he did handle the leavers of power.

Oh, yeah, he got caught being a very naughty boy, too...

Yup, they sure pick 'em.

Somewhat Miffed said...

I heard about 20 seconds of that interview while someone was skipping through radio channels. I wasn't really sure I'd heard him correctly, it was just so bizarre. I guess my ears are working just fine though.
Barking mad.

Angry Exile said...

A candidate for IAC I reckon. Assuming he's not already there.

Leg-iron said...

Drink licence, smoking licence, fat licence, salt licence, breathing licence... I'll need a wallet so big I'll need a licence to carry it around.

At this rate, Man with a Van is going to be bigger than Eddie Stobart.

NickM said...

"Labour can sure pick 'em, can't they? And aren't we lucky that this man will never have the clout to bring his crazy scheme to fruition?"

He might not but the idea is out there. They will try it.

Unfortunately there probably won't be a mass isurrection.

You know the movie Outlaw Josey Wales? Captain "Red Legs" Tyrell,

"Doin' good ain't got no end"

Soft drinkies said...

I don't drink, but a dilemma looms for the likes of me.

Should I apply at once for my future drinking licence, for fear that not applying suggests I may be planning to break the law by consuming alcohol unlicensed?

Hmmm... Or should there equally be a non-drinker's licence, to allow those who don't imbibe to be free from suspicion?

But then we would need no-drinkers checks and regulations in place, too...

Captain Haddock said...

I like the sound of this scheme very much .. in fact, I think its an absolutely excellent one ..

Except, instead of being issued to the general public .. these Licences should be made mandatory for all Ministers, Peers, MP's & Councillors (even Parish Councillors) ..

They should be a requirement on their appointment to Public Office ..

So that whenever any of them comes up with & verbalises another of their bat-shit crazy ideas about how the rest of us should live .. the Licence sends a little message to an "Elimination Squad", who obligingly pop round and slot the knob-end concerned ..

One could perhaps understand their zeal for controlling the rest of us if they themselves were all slim-line, abstemious, monogamous, paragons of virtue .. but they're not .. are they ?

Let's see how keen they would be to continue meddling in the lives of other people then .. eh ?

phiangle said...

Didn't some chap called Orwell write a book about this some time ago?

KenS said...

@soft drinkies

Or should there equally be a non-drinker's licence, to allow those who don't imbibe to be free from suspicion?

You could get an ordinary drinker's licence, and then submit a SOTWN (statutory on the wagon notification), a bit like a SORN for a car....

Ringmer said...

"...and said he would not want his children to marry a Muslim."

Not quite a total idiot then.

Anonymous said...

"Drink licence, smoking licence, fat licence, salt licence, breathing licence... I'll need a wallet so big I'll need a licence to carry it around.
"

Actually not. Once they convince everyone to agree to these intrusive controls and everyone buys into them being necessary, then they will come out and introduce the implantable microchip as the solution everyone will be more than willing to accept by that point.

Manufacture a "problem", introduce the "solution" they had in mind, all along.

Iar R Thorpe said...

I'm with Mark Wadsworth, The ConDems are getting far to cosy with the leaders of The Thought Police.

I was saying 30 years ago that once they had demonised smoking they would try do the same to alcohol.

We, who are Proud To Be Pissed, must stand up (if we can) and be counted.

Angry Exile said...

I just realised what PT Barnum has said is the work of genius. Those who don't use their grog quota can sell the right to drink on to those who do. Nice little earner for us non-drinkers. Or do you think they'd be non-transferrable?

Joking aside this could make some places in Britain look like those outback towns where some patronising arsehole has decided that the aborigines aren't allowed to buy alcohol so they end up begging whites to buy it on their behalf. Not a great look for a modern democracy, I feel.

allcoppedout said...

It has been some time since colleagues noticed at least 20% of classes were failing the 'misting the mirror'test, even in Masters classes. Not only should we have drinking licences, but three-year training programmes in universities to achieve them. I'll even volunteer as a 'role model'. What a way to bring 'fine arts' to the masses!

JuliaM said...

"The Lib-Cons aren't quite so keen on these ideas as Labour were..."

They aren't as vocal about them. I think that's the only difference.

They certainly aren't doing anything to combat such attitudes...

"I wasn't really sure I'd heard him correctly, it was just so bizarre."

It was certainly one of the strangest interviews I've ever listened to...

"I'll need a wallet so big I'll need a licence to carry it around."

Until they combine them all into one big card. With one big database.

That's surely the goal, isn't it?

Or there's anon's suggestion. They could make a Life Clock at the same time.

"You know the movie Outlaw Josey Wales? Captain "Red Legs" Tyrell,

"Doin' good ain't got no end""


Not when it pays well.

JuliaM said...

" Or do you think they'd be non-transferrable?"

Oh, certainly!

"What a way to bring 'fine arts' to the masses!"

:D

Rob said...

How about a lying license for politicians? You are allowed, say, two per month, but after that you face criminal prosecution for each one.

banned said...

My how we laughed and chortled when they first proposed a smoking ban.

I jokingly predicted booze rationing 18 months ago
"I purchased my alloted 2.8 units of alcohol " but, as NickM points out, the idea is now out there.