Tuesday 11 February 2014

And The Crime Here Is..?

A man is being hunted by police for…
Ooooh! What dastardly crime? Rape? Murder?
… allegedly following a woman and a teenager around a supermarket.
Wha..?
Det Con Alison Wallwork said: “We have scrutinised CCTV from both Asda and McDonald’s and believe a woman and teenage girl were followed around both locations.
“They appear to be oblivious to this and as part of our subsequent investigation we are now trying to identify the man in the CCTV image.”
If they are ‘oblivious to this’, who made the complaint?

18 comments:

Fidel Cuntstruck said...

In other words ..

"There were no Twitter crimes to investigate that day so ..."

The mind just boggles.

If it turns out that the guy was with the women all along I shall be hugely amused.

At least we can be secure in the knowledge that Asda have specially trained paedo-spotters to keep us safe while we browse - I bet Tescos and Sainsbury hadn't thought of that one!

ivan said...

I well remember the time several years ago when I was shopping in the local supermarket and I kept on bumping into (not literally) the same woman every time I stopped to take anything off the shelf. We even ended up at the same checkout and had a good laugh about it.

The point is that if you are going for the normal staples there is the possibility that several other people will be as well and that some of them might do it in the same order and almost the same time.

The next question is what prompted plod to look at two sets of CCTV for a start?

Bucko said...

That's excellent news! All the crimes have been solved AND the cuts are having no effect on policing.

(Note to self: Stop checking out women in supermarkets)

ageing man said...

Now had it been waitrose, then most likely he was the butler.....

Joe Public said...

In other news, police are looking for a woman and a teenager who are suspected of leading a man astray. CCTV from both Asda and McDonald’s clearly show ...................

MTG said...

After several years, I patiently await action with respect to my report of a lawnmower theft...a real crime.

But yond 'target' has an old and defenceless look and may forget to fasten his 4x4 seat belt; such men can be abused profitably and without risk.

blueknight said...

I am guessing that it was reported by the store to the Police ASB unit then given to a neighbourhood Officer to investigate.
Problem with these things is that although the likelihood was that it was a clumsy attempt by a male trying to make an acquaintance with the teenager, mother (or both, once the case gets to the 'Something must be done stage'(usually when stalking or paedo has been mentioned),it is brave Officer that writes it off without checking the video and making some basic enqs.

andy5759 said...

Unless they have a barcode, of course.

Dioclese said...

Wonder if it occurred to them that it was just coincidence?

JuliaM said...

"In other words ..

"There were no Twitter crimes to investigate that day so ...""


It is rather astonishing that we keep being told how 'stretched' they always are, isn't it?

And like Ivan, I'd love to know what made them look in the first place.

"Now had it been waitrose, then most likely he was the butler....."

LOL!

"I am guessing that it was reported by the store to the Police ASB unit..."

Possibly. Monitoring CCTV must be a boring job, god knows.

Anonymous said...

When my daughter was a student, a local care in the community type took to following her and muttering obscenities, which made her last year rather scary if venturing out alone. I am grateful to the staff of Sainsbury for alerting her at the checkout one night that he had been shadowing her and the policeman who walked her home.

staybryte said...

Checking out (see what I did there) Milfs in supermarkets is one of my few pleasures these days. Asda is a bit downmarket in this respect though.

I thoroughly recommend the Daily Mash's "Milfs of Waitrose" calendar as an introduction to this much misunderstood art form........

Furor Teutonicus said...

I go to the same two supermarkets every day, I quite often meet my Neighbour there, we live in the same house, fer fucks sake!

Same shopping queue. Next in line.

Then we take the same route home "together." Two or three minutes after the other.

Because, just fucking coincidentaly, we live in the same fucking house!

Would the British Plod investigate me as well???

OR!! Was this some prodnose tit from the PCSOs?

Anonymous said...

Melvin are you still mourning the loss of your lawnmower? If I remember weren't you going to visit the head of the Huddersfield Mafia for help in getting it back as the police were useless?
Did you make them an offer they couldn't understand?
£2 a month will help an elderly nutter cut his grass.Please help.
Jaded

MTG said...

"If I remember weren't you going to visit the head of the Huddersfield Mafia for help...?"

Local plod were never able to cut it, Jaded. As you correctly stated, I planned to visit Norman Bettison but he was liquidated before he could do a service for me.

Many thanks for the sincere gesture. I was fond of Moe Greene and your empathy and understanding undoubtedly spring from a long association with Ronnie the Radiator.

staybryte said...

Jaded, Melvin,

Not that I give a monkey's, but someone should record your correspondence and write a book, along the lines of the Private Eye "Dear Bill" letters :)

Anonymous said...

@ staybryte

Were there wit deserving of literary renown, WC Jaded should claim half.

JuliaM said...

"When my daughter was a student, a local care in the community type took to following her and muttering obscenities..."

Oh, I don't doubt these types exist, far from it - check out the 'careless with the community' blog tag - but these people seem unaware of being 'stalked' so why the police attention?

"Asda is a bit downmarket in this respect though."

:D

"Would the British Plod investigate me as well???"

You might say that. I couldn't possibly comment... ;)